snooze button

i almost did it today... the thing i dreaded most as a freshman. i wanted to. i wanted to give him the credit that i've too often taken for myself. the truth is... i didn't care. about anything. i didn't care about the oppressed or those that weren't like me. they were more so the objects of my cold humor. ignorance flooded my being and i wanted it to drown me. caring took too much thought and energy. now... now i can't not care. it hurts to care. it's often consuming. honestly-- i'm okay with that. what i'm even more okay with is the fact that i would still be that abrasive, shallow, in-trouble shmo that i was if he didn't wake me up on that crushing night in april. he woke me and had me put my hand in his side and my fingers through his hands. how was thomas' doubt honoring?

there have been a lot more wakeup calls this past year that i'm not yet okay with yet-- a lot more getting my hands dirty but the experience above gives me hope. that's all i need. for now...

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. "
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.