slowing down
do you ever find yourself so far gone, so fallen behind that catching up isn't an option anymore. i think for a second, maybe it isn't about catching up at all. and for another moment i know that it isn't the issue at all. no more than a split second later i find myself trying to catch up again. if it isn't about catching up, what is it? quiting? running the other way? starting over again?
quiting... easy-- that very instant you make the choice, relieving, it brings a sense of closure. somehow the decision to cut off from the reality seems clean, finished but then comes awareness-- another bittersweet experience. suddenly you become aware that even though you became detatched, cut off; reality persists. quiting changes nothing and everything all at once. quiting doesn't necessarily change the present struggle but adds a new aspect: regret.
running the other way... an excellent way to become very tired. at first glance a nice jog or sprint doesn't seem like a bad option, in fact it looks appealing. do not be fooled; that sprint turns into suicides and that jog turns into a marathon. but don't worry because after you are done runnning you have to run all the way back to where you came from. Often times it is much easier running away than finding the way back and it seldom looks the same as when you left. running the other way-- ephemism; running the wrong way-- that's more like it.
starting over again... almost an oxymoron in itself. unrealistic if nothing else.
so what is the solution? i guarentee it cannot be found in a word or in a 2-3 word phrase but something tells me that it has a bit more to do with slowing down than catching up. when constantly trying to catch up, you create this transparent frontage of stamina, endurance, notion. slowing down... creates vulnerability, provokes critique, induces assistance.
i choose slowing down... hopefully what i've fallen behind with take notice and come back and meet me where i am. whether i could have or i couldn't have kept up.... i didn't. catching up is not an option and i think that maybe it shouldn't be.
quiting... easy-- that very instant you make the choice, relieving, it brings a sense of closure. somehow the decision to cut off from the reality seems clean, finished but then comes awareness-- another bittersweet experience. suddenly you become aware that even though you became detatched, cut off; reality persists. quiting changes nothing and everything all at once. quiting doesn't necessarily change the present struggle but adds a new aspect: regret.
running the other way... an excellent way to become very tired. at first glance a nice jog or sprint doesn't seem like a bad option, in fact it looks appealing. do not be fooled; that sprint turns into suicides and that jog turns into a marathon. but don't worry because after you are done runnning you have to run all the way back to where you came from. Often times it is much easier running away than finding the way back and it seldom looks the same as when you left. running the other way-- ephemism; running the wrong way-- that's more like it.
starting over again... almost an oxymoron in itself. unrealistic if nothing else.
so what is the solution? i guarentee it cannot be found in a word or in a 2-3 word phrase but something tells me that it has a bit more to do with slowing down than catching up. when constantly trying to catch up, you create this transparent frontage of stamina, endurance, notion. slowing down... creates vulnerability, provokes critique, induces assistance.
i choose slowing down... hopefully what i've fallen behind with take notice and come back and meet me where i am. whether i could have or i couldn't have kept up.... i didn't. catching up is not an option and i think that maybe it shouldn't be.
posted by ek at 2:14 PM
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